If the shoe fits...

If the shoe fits, wear it. My shoes came. And now fear has TOTALLY set in. The last few days have not been amazing on eating. Stuff has been crazy at work and I am letting my emotions get the best of me. 13 weeks...can this really happen? Can I really get up on stage and not make a fool of myself? I know I am going to win the ironman and emerald cup next year, but is it possible to cut all the body fat I need to by November 19 and not get discouraged by my placement? Or do I focus on slowing cutting for next season and just dominate all year long in 2012. Definitely a conversation I need to be having with not only myself, but my trainer, and possibly a nutritionist. LOTS to think about. But for now, you probably want to know if the shoes fit...so do I. Here it goes....

Didn't try them on until after I wrote this blog...and NO, THEY DON'T! AHHHHH. I have the widest feet in the world. I was counting on these shoes to give me some motivation! I seriously can barely fit 4 toes in them...hello evil step sister trying to fit into Cinderella's shoes. On that note, I am going to bed. Hopefully I wake up on a better side of the bed tomorrow.

Dreaming Big...

Last night I was working on my life vision and goal setting when I made some some big decisions and set some BHAGS (big hairy audacious goals). I figured since you are a part of my journey for my first figure competition that I should let you know what my BHAG is. So here it is...fitness is my passion. I am drawn to figure competitors and aspire to be a professional competitor. So instead of just aspiring to be one, I AM GOING TO BE ONE. I am going to take home first place in the Emerald Cup and Ironman in 2012. Remember my name...Kelsey Venable, because you will also be seeing me in Oxygen Magazine within the next year as one of their transformations. Bring it on...HIIT, temptations, grumpy moods, and low carb days you ain't got nothing on me.

97 days...one step closer.

I am loving my workouts and diet. I have eaten 100% clean all week and feel amazing. The struggle is to believe in the process and focus on the now...if I focus on being my best in each moment I will see the results come show time. Jen's positivity is amazing and her workouts are killer. I did about 19 sets of stairs today with strength circuits in between. 19, no big deal....NOT. Huge deal. Especially when you are bunny hopping, speed skating, single stepping, and doing all sorts of crazy combinations up those stairs. After burning 600 and some calories I came home to make myself a delicious protein smoothie. Well deserved after that workout! I just finished prepping some food for the next few days, but hope to have time to cook more on Tuesday. It is amazing how much cooking I am doing lately...but boy do I love it! Have any good clean recipes for me to try? My challenge is to add more variety in my diet right now, so hook a sister up with all those secret family recipes of yours. Time to hit the showers and cozy up for the night.

Here is something to keep everyone motivated, including myself:

"Mental toughness can take you straight to the top and mental weakness straight to the bottom."

I am choosing to be tough....are you?

100 days...closer than yesterday.

Nicole Wilkins posted this on her facebook earlier today and it truly resonated with me. In fact, it is the PERFECT message for me. Believe in the process and each day I will be a little bit closer.

Today is a rest day...hooray! :) I am sure I will need all the rest I can get to prepare for my 2nd one-on-one with Jen this week. Rest days can be tricky for me to keep a clean diet...but not today, I WILL eat clean all day. I am in this 100%.

101 days out.

In it 100% now. Woke up and did my HIIT training on the stairmaster...KILLER. 533 calories burned in 30 minutes! Go me! I am surprised I even had the energy for my cardio this morning after my one-on-one with Jen yesterday. The muscle soreness hasn't hit me yet, but I am sure by this afternoon I will be feeling it.

My cooler really is my new best friend. I invested in another set of tupperware...officially the tupperware queen now. My coworkers tease me for bringing in my giant cooler filled with enough food for a small country, but the teasing just makes me feel proud. I truly look the part of a figure competitor walking around wearing my workout gear, carrying my gallon of water, and my cooler full of clean foods. I cannot wait to start seeing results, but I am going to work on being patient and believe in the process (as a few of you suggested in your comments to my last post.)

101 days out...I asked Jen last night if she truly thought I could make the change in 101 days. She said that it is possible as long as my body doesn't fight us. She suggested I start taking CLAs (Conjugathed Linoleic Acid Supplements) to enhance fat burning and increase lean muscle mass. She told me that I will not notice an immediate difference, but that hopefully it would help me in the long run.

So here is my focus...
CLEAN DIET.
100% effort in my workouts.
Take my supplements.

Oh, and the major one! BUY HEELS AND START POSING! Yikes. I bought the Tanji Johnson video the Art of Posing...do you think I can learn it enough by myself or do you think I should consider a posing coach as well!? Also, are there specific requirements for heels? Where do I buy them?

103 days.

103 days?! Only 103 days. Where in the world does the time go? I started this journey a few months ago, but never truly committed. I thought of it as a goal that I wanted, but could never achieve. I can't even count the number of times I went back and forth on my decision to compete or how I felt about myself. One day I was telling myself "Hell ya I can do this...look out world I am going to win." The next day I was staring in the mirror thinking "Yeah right! Look at you...there is NO WAY you will be ready." The last two weeks have been a major transition period for me. I am working towards a promotion at work, just moved into a new house, and went on a weekend get away for a Bachelorette party. Don't get me wrong, all of these events are incredibly exciting, but they didn't fit in well with my training and or eating schedule...well scratch that, they did fit in...I just chose to be lazy and cheat. So now...I am exactly where I started a few months ago. Back to square one. Can I do this in 103 days? I am not sure of the answer to this question just yet, but I can promise you this...I am going to give it 100% from here on. I might have breakdowns, I might need to ask for more help, and I may even have moments where I want to just throw in the towel, but that is not going to stop me. I am giving this my all.

And this is the part where I ask for help from all you fellow fitness bloggers and reach out to my trainer.
To my fellow bloggers, I need all the support I can get. Tips and tricks? Where were you at when you started this process? Any suggestions of how to stay positive and keep on pushing!?
To Jen, I have already told you this but I want to apologize for not giving you my all. You are giving me 200% and I have barely been giving you 50% these last two weeks. The way you inspire me and push me is incredible and I truly believe you have confidence in me. I am working on the having confidence in myself part, but I know I will get there soon. I am strong, I am beautiful, I am fit, and I am a competitor.

Cannot sleep

I woke up at 4am with a horrible stomach ache and burning in my throat. My throat has been scratchy the last few mornings, but usually gets better! I am hoping that after I write this post I can curl back up in bed and sleep for a few hours...if not, it might be the LONGEST Monday of my life.

Since I cannot sleep I figured I would come check out some fitness blogs and distract my mind from how I am feeling. After reading a few blogs I started thinking about the title of my own...Future Competitor: From Binging to Bikini...although it is an accurate title I decided to change it. Why look back at the girl I used to be when I can set goals for the girl I am striving to be? At work we have goal setting sessions and we are taught that the proper way to write goals is in the present tense as if they have already been accomplished. This explains the new title "I am a figure competitor by December 2011." I know I have been saying that I feel as if I am already a competitor, but I do have my moments where I think that I will not see the results in time....it is extremely hard to trust the process! However, if I keep repeating to myself "I am a figure competitor. I am a figure competitor. I am a figure competitor." it will be stuck in my brain and every decision will be based off that identity...or at least that is what I am hoping for.

I have a CRAZY week ahead of me. I have 4 more days left in my 8 day work stretch at my job! In addition to that I have 2 boot camp sessions I am scheduled to instruct, packing for a the bachelorette trip, errands to run before the trip, cooking and prepping more food, AND my workouts for this week. Thinking about my week I was looking forward to Napa thinking I would have some time to just relax with the girls, but we got our itinerary for the trip and it looks like it is nonstop wine tours! There is a little time for the pool, but I am not sure I even want to pack my swimsuit...I do not feel great about my body yet, and the girls I am going with are skinny lil' things. Do I really want to subject myself to those negative feelings about myself? In addition, I'm not sure how I am going to fit in my workouts and all my meals! :( And then it is straight back into work on Monday. Can't a girl just workout and sleep in the sun?

On that note, I better try and get a few more hours of sleep, otherwise I will NEVER make it through my workout today let alone my closing shift at work....wish me luck. :(