If at first you don't succeed, try, try again!

This is harder than I thought...I don't know if it is just the self sabotage that I am doing or something else. Whatever it is it stops now! I reached out, asked for help, and got what I was looking for. Two fellow fitness gals (Laura and Lelia) both sent me supportive messages telling me to stick with it! Knowing that I have been struggling with this, my friend Bekah suggested I write out a pro and con list to see if participating was the right thing for me at this time in my life. So here it is:

PROS OF COMPETING

• Reach my fitness goals
• Conquer my fear of getting on stage
  
• Lose weight
  
• Gain muscle and strength
  
• Resume builder for a career in the fitness industry
  
• Build stronger relationships
  
• Be part of a team
• Boost my self-confidence
• Look better in my clothing
• Feel better on a day to day basis
• Inspire others
  
• Look DAMN good in a bikini (which, lets be honest ladies...that is SUPER important when the sun actually shines in the PacNW)
  

CONS OF COMPETING

• Fear of failure
  
• Issues with my eating disorder may surface again
• Fear people may tell me I am not good enough, lean enough, strong enough...etc. (More self-esteem issues)
• Not reach my full potential in the 5 month period and be told that I am not ready to get on stage

So do the pros outweigh the cons? Or do the cons outweigh the pros? Taking the easy way out would be to quit now, because that I couldn't possibly fail, but if I do that am I really going to succeed at all in life? I might as well shy away now and hide in a corner! Instead, I am going to accept the challenge. Yes, it will be hard. Yes, I have already made mistakes. Yes, I will make more mistakes and slip-ups. Does that make me a bad person? No! Does that mean I will never accomplish my goals? No! Lesson to be learned here...do not let fear dictate what you strive to accomplish in your life. For the last few days I have been letting fear take over and that horrible little voice in the back of my head dictate my life (I like to call him "The little green man"...aka my eating disorder thoughts). That nasty little voice has been telling me to avoid the gym, sleep longer, and reach for junk food because after all "You never are going to accomplish your goals and will never be a fitness competitor."

This is what I have to say to that voice, "This is my life. I am strong, determined, beautiful, and most important I have friends and family that love and support me. So **** (you can fill in the profanity here...keeping it PG rated) OFF little green man. I am doing this competition and I WILL SUCCEED!"

And now it finally makes sense what the title of my blog should be. Before I borrowed the title from a clothing company, but after coming to the realization of what is truly holding me back, I have settled on "Future Competitor: From Binging to Bikini"

I will get more into the eating disorder as I continue to blog, but for right now...just know that I am in the recovery process. I was diagnosed with an eating disorder last year with an emphasis on binging. I have been MUCH better lately and with the help of an Eating Disorder Specialist, I have found a good balance in my life. So now, I am challenging myself and that little green man in my head as I work toward my fitness goals.

143 days left
20 weeks
2-3 lbs per week
lose 10 % body fat (my personal goal...I am sure my trainer would like lots more!)