So here is the deal. I have been HORRIBLE this weekend. Relapsed with the eating disorder and ate WAY too much of all the WRONG things. I had a decent workout today, but still ate too much. I plan on getting back on track tomorrow with my 3-a-day workouts and sticking to the diet plan Yo gave me. Bekah wanted to borrow my scale so she could keep a better track of her weight loss. When I have the scale around I weigh myself like 20 times a day...which is good and bad. Good when I am kicking ass at everything and bad when I am eating junk and laying on my ass. So now I don't have a scale at my place....hopefully I can survive without it! I am pretty sure those 5 pounds I lost came right back on this weekend! :( I know I just got started, but I am going to take a break from blogging for a week to just find the joy in working out again. Lots of changes have been going on in my life lately and I need to reflect on what makes me happy. I need to find my confidence again and remember to love myself. I am also planning on talking to my trainer and potentially taking a step back from her. I need to keep myself accountable in one way or another, but seeing her every morning at the gym is stressful to me. I have this horrible habit of thinking that other people are analyzing my body (even when they probably aren't). So if I am having a bad day and someone looks at me, I instantly assume they are judging me and focusing on all my problem areas. Which at this moment in time feels like every inch of my body! Every time I see her I feel like I am a failure because I am not up to par with the weight loss! Maybe the Ironman isn't the right show for me...only time will tell. For now I will just try and keep my head up....one foot in front of the other.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Workout fairy, where are you!?
So here is the deal. I have been HORRIBLE this weekend. Relapsed with the eating disorder and ate WAY too much of all the WRONG things. I had a decent workout today, but still ate too much. I plan on getting back on track tomorrow with my 3-a-day workouts and sticking to the diet plan Yo gave me. Bekah wanted to borrow my scale so she could keep a better track of her weight loss. When I have the scale around I weigh myself like 20 times a day...which is good and bad. Good when I am kicking ass at everything and bad when I am eating junk and laying on my ass. So now I don't have a scale at my place....hopefully I can survive without it! I am pretty sure those 5 pounds I lost came right back on this weekend! :( I know I just got started, but I am going to take a break from blogging for a week to just find the joy in working out again. Lots of changes have been going on in my life lately and I need to reflect on what makes me happy. I need to find my confidence again and remember to love myself. I am also planning on talking to my trainer and potentially taking a step back from her. I need to keep myself accountable in one way or another, but seeing her every morning at the gym is stressful to me. I have this horrible habit of thinking that other people are analyzing my body (even when they probably aren't). So if I am having a bad day and someone looks at me, I instantly assume they are judging me and focusing on all my problem areas. Which at this moment in time feels like every inch of my body! Every time I see her I feel like I am a failure because I am not up to par with the weight loss! Maybe the Ironman isn't the right show for me...only time will tell. For now I will just try and keep my head up....one foot in front of the other.
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Just make a u-turn and move on from this weekend! Don't let it drag you down. I'm here for you if you ever want to get some weekend/weekday workouts in. Also, I think starting to pose will keep you more motivated. You can learn to pose today no matter how you look or feel! (that's what Tanji said this weekend)and I think it might help you realize how much progress you're making. I completely understand the "people judging me everytime they see me" feeling... but i have to say, last time i saw you you looked GREAT!!! your waist looked so small and perfect in your cute lulu lemon top - i was jealous! don't be too hard on yourself, you're doing a great job. Letting go of insecurity is the hardest part, (because I mean, you're training to go on stage half naked... that's a pretty exposing thing to do...) Keep training as if you ARE doing the Ironman, and then reevaluate as time progresses. I learned so much this weekend from team Save Fitness. Especially about mindset/emotions/confidence, etc. Let me know if you'd ever like to meet up, and I can share with you what I'm learning. I'd love to help however I can, because I know this is VERY HARD to do.
ReplyDeleteI absolutely LOVE what Lelia said about making a u-turn! Forget about last weekend - don't look behind you - eyes to the front! :)
ReplyDeleteT.